You know, it's pretty frustrating. I haven't posted anything here in almost a solid year. There's a reason for it though: I feel partly disconnected.
I often can't think of what to say when given an open floor and no specific topic to focus on. I think about posting here, and I realize I have nothing significant to say, or I have several significant things to say, but realize that they probably aren't 'publisher quality', which is how I like all my posts to be.
Originally, this blog was going to be a hub for adult SPD blogs, but that idea has long since been cast aside. Running the sites that I do on top of work, school, and the chat room has been more than enough to keep me busy and eat up all the spare time that would go to the projects like this blog.
It used to be that topics would burn in my head until I couldn't do anything but write about them, and I'd post these large posts on SPD-related subjects. I feel burnt-out in some ways I guess. It's not that I've lost passion, it's just that I took on way too many projects. I've been trying to reduce them, but it's been a difficult balance.
I wanted to be a key resource, one of the people that people referred adults with SPD to for support, and in many ways, I feel as though I have succeeded. At the same time though, I often don't feel like it's been enough, especially when I consider all the people over the years who told me they'd love to get a copy of my first book about SPD when I wrote it. Well, I still haven't written it.
I even wrote a completely unrelated comedy book with my friend Jem Lewis, called America's Mafia. Don't get me wrong, I loved writing that book, and I love the finished product. Jem (or JT), has been a great friend, one of the only ones I've had in my real life circle. Still though, at the end of the day, I realize I haven't done what I set out to do, which was to become perhaps the foremost resource on the topic of adult SPD.
Perhaps I set the bar too high, or perhaps I reached it real quickly and can't come up with an encore. What I realize in all of this though, is that the issue isn't where I set the bar so much as it is the focus of the goal: it's all self-centered.
Enough of that! In the end, no one is going to care whether or not I was 'the foremost in adult SPD'. In fact, the whole thing will be debatable. What's important is whether or not I'm happy, whether or not I'm making good friends and thriving in my life.
I have to say, even though I have allowed parts of my original SPD goals to slip lately, it has allowed me to separate myself from my goals, to work on becoming a person who is not only defined by his goals. If I only defined myself by my goals, and I was always setting higher goals, I would always feel unfinished and inferior. My life has improved in many other ways, so I feel as though the tradeoff has been worth it.
I am still working on a book for adults with SPD. It has just been delayed for a long time, but I hope to get some time in on it this fall and winter.
I'm not sure how profound this is or how much of a point it has, but I guess that's just what a rambling post is for, eh? :P